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A New Relationship With Sadness

Discover that sadness is not a problem to be fixed, but a blessing to be treasured.

How to Coach Yourself Using These Wisdom Quotes:

  1. Put aside everything you think you already know.

  2. Open your mind and heart to receive something new.

  3. Take your time going through each point.

  4. Return to any points that particularly touch you.

  5. In the coming days, listen carefully to the wisdom within you.

*All quotes are by Jeff Foster

1. Make Room for Your Unhappiness

Jeff Foster Quote

"There is so much pressure

on us these days

to “feel good”.

But what if it’s exactly

our attempts to “feel good”

that make us feel so… bad?

Conceiving of happiness as a destination

rather than the all-embracing non-dual

present awareness that we are,

we go to war with our unhappiness

and feel guilt and shame around it.

We split ourselves in two

in the name of joy

and we feel very far away from Home.

Stop trying to be happy, then.

Make room in yourself

for a deep unhappiness.

Cry out an ocean

of tears.

And you will know

Great Freedom."


Have you noticed the constant, nagging pressure to be happy?

  1. Consider the daily messages that you have become so accustomed to - the promises of a better future if you can have, do or be something other than what is here now.

  2. In a sense, these messages are subtly loud - subtle because we hardly notice them anymore, and loud because they have become the ringing in our ears that constantly reminds us of why nothing in our lives (including ourselves) is good enough.

  3. Jeff points out that happiness is the "all-embracing non-dual present awareness that we are." From this perspective, we can stop fighting our experiences and living from our concepts. This is the Great Freedom presented here, the surrender of all our efforts to get rid of what we consider to be undesirable feelings. Take a deep breath and stay open to a new beginning.

2. Your Sadness Doesn't Need Healing

Jeff Foster Quote

"Your sadness doesn’t say, “Please fix me, heal me, or release me”. It doesn’t say, “Please get rid of me, numb yourself to me, pretend I’m not here”. It certainly doesn’t say, “Please get enlightened so I can die!”.

Sadness does not come to punish you, or reveal to you what a ‘spiritual failure’ you are. Sadness is not a sign that you are unevolved or far from healing, awakening, enlightenment, peace.

The presence of sadness is not an indication that you’ve done something wrong.

Sadness only whispers, “May I come in? I am tired, I long for rest”.

And you reply, “But sadness, I don’t know how to allow you in!”

And sadness replies, “It’s okay. You don’t need to know. I’m already in”.

And we bow to sadness then, we recognise how it’s already allowed in, how there’s enough room in us for sadness, how we are not ‘the sad one’, not contained within sadness, but the room for sadness, its space, its home, its salvation, its loving embrace; not as a goal, but as our nature – consciousness itself, already free.

Don’t heal yourself from sadness; let sadness heal you. Let it show you the way when you have forgotten. Let it reveal to you the mysteries of love. Let it remind you of your vast heart, your refusal to split off from any part of your ancient Self.

Let sadness help you remember that bigger Happiness you danced when you were young."


Forget everything you have ever thought about sadness. Today you will be blessed with a fresh, new perspective.

  1. Consider the meaning you have given to sadness. Question the thought that it's a sign you need healing, or to be more evolved, more awakened, that you're somehow inferior because you feel this way. What has it meant to you all these years?

  2. In your mind, you may identify as ‘the sad one’, but in reality, sadness is contained within you. Sadness is a passing energy that you are conscious of in the vastness of your awareness. When you become aware of sadness in this way, you can stop ignoring it or trying to push it away.

  3. How can sadness heal you, reveal the mysteries of love and help you remember the dance of happiness? When you turn towards it, instead of away from it, and embrace it like an unwanted, neglected child, you discover something quite extraordinary. You experience more wholeness because you're not pushing part of you away, you embody the unconditional love that is your essence, and you learn to dance through your emotions and your life, just as you did when you were a young child.

3. Drop the Word and Connect With What's Alive

Jeff Foster Quote

"When you're feeling sad, just feel sad.

Don't try to 'not feel sad'; you'll only split yourself in two.

Don't think about feeling sad.

Just feel sad.

Feel the raw sensations in the belly, heart, throat, head.

Let the sensations tingle, pulse, vibrate, shimmer.

Breathe into them, dignify them; soften around them.

(It's just energy that wants to move in your body.)

Drop the word 'sad'; simply connect with what's alive.

Be the room for these sensations, their loving embrace.

Know that these sensations aren't a mistake;

you're not doing anything wrong.

You are alive. And sensitive. And not numb.

You have a right to feel sad!

To stand with sadness; be its loving parent, not its victim.

There is no shame in this. No failure.

So just feel sad, friend; your sadness is a portal

to love, and a tender embrace of this fragile world."


You don't need to feel like a victim of sadness anymore.

  1. "Just feel sad." Here is an invitation to feel all the feelings that come with sadness. Really tune into your body and breathe into the energy you're experiencing.

  2. There is something incredibly beautiful about discovering this new relationship with sadness (and all your unwanted emotions). Instead of reacting in the same old, conditioned way, you become openly curious and attentive to what's actually happening. You become courageously present with life.

  3. "Your sadness is a portal to love, and a tender embrace of this fragile world." In your open curiosity, you take your place as loving, present awareness and unconditional love. Knowing yourself in this way is the power that transforms the world.

4. You've Been Lost in Your Head

Jeff Foster Quote

"If you run from disappointment,

you run from life itself.

Disappointment can soften the mind

and open the heart.

If you let it.

Don't be afraid to release an old world.

When our hopes, dreams and expectations shatter, it can hurt like hell.

The invitation?

Turn towards the hurt.

Actually feel the pain, instead of numbing it

or running towards some new dream.

Break the addiction to 'the next experience'.

Bring curious attention to the fluttery sensations in the belly,

the constricted feeling in the heart area,

the lump in the throat,

the heaviness in the head.

To what's alive. To what's screaming for attention.

Turn towards this burning moment.

Breathe into the uncomfortable place.

Don't abandon yourself yet for a shiny new future.

Don't leave yourself for the world of thought.

Let the mind chatter away, but don't take it as reality.

Disappointment is bringing you closer to yourself.

To your breath.

To the weight of your body upon the Earth.

To the sounds of the afternoon.

To the evening's song.

You've been lost in your head, friend.

Return to your heart now.

Soften into the moment.

Return Home.

Let expectations melt.

Into silence.

Into a new



"Don't leave yourself for the world of thought."

  1. "You've been lost in your head, friend. Return to your heart now." This is the state of the world - lost in the head. You and I can be the rebellion against that. Instead of staying in your thoughts, in all that mind chatter that has been directing your experience of life, turn to your breath, to your body, to your heart.

  2. "Break the addiction to the next experience." There is only now, this moment. Remind yourself as often as you need to that the past is your memories and the future your imagination. It only exists in psychological time. It's not reality. So stay here with your emotion, with whatever energy is showing up right now. This is where life is really happening, not in your head.

  3. Let sadness soften your mind and open your heart. Let it bring you closer to yourself. Let it...

5. The Preciousness of Sadness

Jeff Foster Quote

"If you are feeling sad, you are not in a 'low vibration'. You are not sick or broken or unenlightened or far from healing. You are not 'trapped in your ego' or stuck in the 'separate self'. You are not being negative, and you don't need to be fixed, and sadness is not a mistake, because it's life moving in you, and life can't be a mistake, ever.

You are just feeling sad, that's all.

It's a feeling state playing out on the vibrantly alive movie screen of presence, that's all.

It's not a problem that requires a solution or a band-aid. It's a sacred and precious part of you longing for love, acceptance, embrace, rest.

You've been blessed by sadness today; you've been chosen as her home; don't run away from such a truly precious visitor."


Sadness is not a problem.

  1. Sadness is very much a problem if you believe it to be. It is a problem according to the conditioned mind, according to society, and most of humanity. But when Jeff Foster shows us the way of radical acceptance, suddenly, sadness is not a problem anymore.

  2. Not only is sadness not a problem to be fixed, but we are also told it is a blessing to be treasured. Hear the mind scoff at this. Let the thoughts have their say. But don't pay attention to them.

  3. "It's a sacred and precious part of you longing for love, acceptance, embrace, rest." Breathe into this knowing. There's nothing you need to do, to figure out, to try and accomplish. Simply be present with your feeling and realize you don't have to run away anymore.

6. Release Your Sensitivity

Jeff Foster Quote

"Once, I ran from difficult feelings.

Now, they are my advisors, confidants, friends,

and they all have a home in me,

and they all belong and have dignity.

I am sensitive, soft, fragile,

my arms wrapped around all my inner children.

And in my sensitivity, power.

In my fragility, an unshakeable Presence.

In the depths of my wounds,

in what I had named “darkness”,

I found a blazing Light

that guides me now in battle.

I became a warrior

when I turned towards myself.

And started listening."


Life is designed to make you turn towards yourself and start listening.

  1. As you reread that first paragraph, notice what the beauty of unshakable Presence can look like in your life.

  2. Jeff found a blazing light in the depths of his wounds. Now he shows us the way to make the same, life-changing discovery.

  3. The secret is to turn towards yourself and start listening. Release your sensitivity and remember that nothing is worth closing your heart over.

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